Starfish Songwriters

The Sandbox => MP3 songs for Review/Critique => Topic started by: Tex on March 25, 2026, 10:24:15 pm

Title: Re: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: Tex on March 30, 2026, 02:55:15 pm

Thanks, I may look into a change there.

Title: Re: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: serenowolf on March 30, 2026, 02:52:48 pm

Well first, sorry to hear that...idk why but I pretty much felt she passed away right at the "every time I do, I cry" part...Maybe because you typically don't stop by an ex's house multiple times, that's a bit stalkerish...so if you want to hide the twist, you might change that line to sound like you aren't frequenting the place albeit sparsely...does that make sense? At any rate...nice job overall!

Title: Re: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: Tex on March 30, 2026, 02:40:20 pm

Thanks Raul, for the listen and reply.

My goal it to make the listener think he's gone to her house wishing for her back but in the end you find out he's been standing at her grave the whole time.  No I didn't have suicide in mind, this comes from an old flame that pasted from cancer. 

Title: Re: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: serenowolf on March 30, 2026, 02:05:26 pm

Nice job, since you didn't ask for feedback, I'll just answer your question. I get the sense it's about a woman who passed away. He visits the graveyard and stays til close...I'm assuming since "she slipped away"...suicide?

Title: Re: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: Tex on March 26, 2026, 01:49:02 pm

Thanks Kay-lynn,

Thought I'd post to see if it's clear...  I know you knew what the message is in it, but wondered if others got it...

Title: Re: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: redwriter1 on March 26, 2026, 12:10:12 pm

This is very conversational, I like it alot.  I forgot about the damn ending.............. wheww.. that will punch you in the gut.

I might still do a few edits for line length, maybe add a few details, but I'll have to think on it.

Very nice job!!

Title: Wouldn't End This Way
Post by: Tex on March 25, 2026, 10:24:15 pm

Lyrics mostly by me, I did take Kay-lynn's suggestions on a couple of lines.

I'd like to see if you guys understand this song.

Thanks

https://suno.com/s/RvpaoexehUMZsZiT


Wouldn't End This Way

(Verse)
Darling, since the moment you slipped away
All I can do is fake it from day to day
I dream you're lying next to me at night
But you're gone before the morning light

(Pre Chorus)
It's been a while since I've stopped by
But Darling, every time I do, I cry

(Chorus)
Wish I could go back to our story's beginning
Pull out my pen and write us a different ending
Then girl, I'd have never let you slip away
And it wouldn't end this way

(Verse)
Me? Well. I tell everyone I'm okay
But I miss you more with each day
Sometimes I stare at your picture on the wall
And for a second I swear I hear you call

(Pre Chorus)
They say it's time to move on, in a way they're right
But Darling, the more I try, the more I hold on tight

(Chorus)
Wish I could go back to our story's beginning
Pull out my pen and write us a different ending
Then girl, I'd have never let you slip away
And it wouldn't end this way

(Bridge)
I've got roses in my hand, and tears in my eyes
Sorry, but I've got to go now, It's getting late
I can't believe how quiet this place gets after dark
The groundskeepers waiting to lock the gate

(Final Chorus)
Wish I could go back to our story's beginning
Pull out my pen and write us a different ending
Then girl, you'd have never slipped away
No, it wouldn't end this way
It wouldn't end this way

(outro)
Darling

I wish I didn't have to leave you here