Starfish Songwriters
The Sandbox => Lyrics for Review/Critique => Topic started by: Shelleyanne on March 25, 2026, 11:50:37 pm
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Heck yeah Bill, I like that version...
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Hi Shelleyanne,
I don’t think the lyric needs to be trimmed.
But. How is the storyline resolved? Could be in movie or tv series…stay tuned for the next chapter!
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Hey Bill, that was a pretty good version too. I liked the layered vocals in my version, but I liked your jazzy take as well!
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Song has great potential, in my view. I would edit, trim a little, structure it sharply, and then it can be further enhanced with ad-libs, refrains, etc. This is something I would pursue - it has too much potential to let it die. Good luck!
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Definitely a pop/country vibe I think
This is not country genre. More light pop/jazz. Another take on it, just for fun.
https://suno.com/s/NdhXfR2er30inn2s
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Yeah!!!!! I'm glad you let me give it a try. I hope it came out the way you heard it in your head. It took me multiple tries to get it right.
congrats!
Now you can put it on the mp3 board if you want.(smile)
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So happy with this! Was actually amazed at how good it came out.
Thank you!
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Yeah, I was a little surprised too, but I knew there were spaces in those lyrics to play around with, so , it may not be perfect, but it sure gives you a starting point. Sometimes that's useful.
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That came out pretty good. Better than I thought. Hope she's happy with the results.
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Ok here ya go.
https://suno.com/s/yZPj8yU6O7ZBqDCv
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Go ahead with yours Kay-Lynn!! Really looking forward to hearing it. Will be very good I expect. Cheers.
Bill
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Come on Bill, I got mine ready and it turned out much better than I thought.......... argg. now I have to wait. lol
I"m giving him 30 minutes... or I'm posting what I got... tick tock...
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Ok, I'll go work on a version, but I will wait for Bill to go first. (smile)
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Definitely a pop/country vibe I think
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Ok Bill............. you wanna give it a shot first?
Shelley , are you thinking genre country/folk or country/pop or something else?
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This is a great perspective. Honestly, I could use it just to generate some interest in the lyrics right? Doesn’t have to be the final version of the song.
Thank you, I’m going to look into that. If someone wants to run it through, that would be cool too.
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Just my point of view, a Pro membership on Suno is $8 a month... you as a lyric writer - I know you have in your head what it should sound like with Suno you can put in your lyrics have it do you a Pop song, Rock song, Country song or what ever you're looking for, listen to it and be sure it sounds like what you want. Some times you might hear it and think oh my god it might sound better if I do this line different and it cost you nothing. The last time I had a demo done it was $375 and if something wasn't just right you're out that money. I call it a good tool to writing. like I said JMO. And OH I still have a flip phone for a cell phone, not interested in technology that much either.
Good Luck
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Totally fair Shelley, it's alot of fun for certain writers like me and others. I've never let Suno build a melody or lyric for me, but I get a great demo in 3 minutes that I can change 20 times if I want. And it's just fun. (smile).
If you don't have a subscription, I was just offering that lots of people do and like to show you how your song could potentially sound before you pay 100's of dollars to musicians who won't play it the way you hear it.
Is that fair?
Frankly, sometimes when I load my guitar/vocal into Suno it adds thing I would have never thought of , and sometimes makes me re-think my lyric timing.
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Suno wouldn’t be my first choice. I’m a boomer and suspicious of technology lol. Would prefer to work with a musician to create something.
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Shelley, if you want Bill to run it through Suno for a melody, I'm sure he would be happy to do so, but only with your permission of course.
Heck, even I want to play with it, but it's all up to you!
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I can hear it in my head, but not being a musician or singer, can’t really communicate it. It’s a uptempo beat, kinda poppy which is different from what I usually wry, which is more folksy.
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In the introduction section of this forum, you had mentioned, you don’t do music. Just thinking of that, I arranged your lyric into various sections verse, chorus, etc…..because it’s a starting point in composing music, the way I see it, ie verses are a mirror melody to one another. And. Music for chorus is different. And. Music for bridge is different.
I like the lyric. Conversational and interesting topic.
The structure is different. The way I tried to organize it…so many bridges!😊
See what others more knowledgeable think.
Bill
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I've never heard of 3 bridges in a song before, so that's a first.
I like some of your clever lyrics, sounds a little Taylor Swift, not a bad thing.
Do you have a melody in mind?
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Please be honest :)
But I do
V1
It’s every day
And it’s all the time
Wishing that he was mine
He’s in my heart
And he’s in my mind
Sends shivers down my spine
Chorus
He’s not the kind to stick around
He’s not the type to see things through
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
V2
He’s like a knock
On an open door
Don’t know what I’m waiting for
A little sweet that
I can’t ignore
I only want a little more
Chorus(modified)
He breaks a heart with every smile
Breaks every rule I ever knew
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Bridge 1
Do I want to feel the flame?
(yeah I do)
And know I’ll never be the same?
(Yeah I do)
He’s playing games and he’ll play me too…..
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Bridge 2
He’s got this hard wild heart
And I’m not one for taking chances
So I run when he advances
But he knows the truth
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Bridge 3
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I sure do
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
Like I do
Bridge 2
He’s got this hard wild heart
And I’m not one for taking chances
So I run when he advances
But he knows the truth
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Tag
It’s every day
And it’s all the time
Wishing that he was mine.
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Please be honest :)
But I do
It’s every day
And it’s all the time
Wishing that he was mine
He’s in my heart
And he’s in my mind
Sends shivers down my spine
He’s not the kind to stick around
He’s not the type to see things through
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
He’s like a knock
On an open door
Don’t know what I’m waiting for
A little sweet that
I can’t ignore
I only want a little more
He breaks a heart with every smile
Breaks every rule I ever knew
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Do I want to feel the flame?
(yeah I do)
And know I’ll never be the same?
(Yeah I do)
He’s playing games and he’ll play me too…..
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
He’s got this hard wild heart
And I’m not one for taking chances
So I run when he advances
But he knows the truth
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I sure do
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
Like I do
He’s got this hard wild heart
And I’m not one for taking chances
So I run when he advances
But he knows the truth
Can’t have him, shouldn’t want him
But I do
It’s every day
And it’s all the time
Wishing that he was mine.