Starfish Songwriters
The Sandbox => MP3 songs for Review/Critique => Topic started by: rpirone on August 02, 2026, 12:28:26 pm
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What a sweet easy flowing beautiful sunshiny song. Really enjoyed your tune man, write on!
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Very Smooth....
I think the cadence of the melody can be a little repetitive, but that is only my opinion. Perhaps even consider 3 lines in verses instead of everything being four? Rhyming pattern may be AAB - AAB. This will sometimes introduce space. Also (and this is often my preference) I like choruses to lift a song up. The first two lines of your chorus almost feels like a prechorus...I might consider using that chord structure as a prechorus, then go into a full blown chorus where your voce sings on a higher level than the rest of the song, therefor lifting it up? This is only my opinion and preference though.
Example I might consider is...
prechorus:
She’s ev’ry mem’ry that you’ll ever keep
She’s why the sun rises and sets
Chorus ( now maybe singing in a slightly higher range...rooted in E?)
She is...She’s ev’rything you’ll ever need
She is...(line rhymes with need)
She is...(Line rhymes with need or gets?)
She is...as good as love ever gets
This can cement the chorus so every time you hear it, you know you are there...
Thanks for sharing!
I find that to be a good critique. I concur.
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Very Smooth....
I think the cadence of the melody can be a little repetitive, but that is only my opinion. Perhaps even consider 3 lines in verses instead of everything being four? Rhyming pattern may be AAB - AAB. This will sometimes introduce space. Also (and this is often my preference) I like choruses to lift a song up. The first two lines of your chorus almost feels like a prechorus...I might consider using that chord structure as a prechorus, then go into a full blown chorus where your voce sings on a higher level than the rest of the song, therefor lifting it up? This is only my opinion and preference though.
Example I might consider is...
prechorus:
She’s ev’ry mem’ry that you’ll ever keep
She’s why the sun rises and sets
Chorus ( now maybe singing in a slightly higher range...rooted in E?)
She is...She’s ev’rything you’ll ever need
She is...(line rhymes with need)
She is...(Line rhymes with need or gets?)
She is...as good as love ever gets
This can cement the chorus so every time you hear it, you know you are there...
Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for giving this a listen. Much appreciated. Michael Buble is exactly the kind of artist I had in mind. I like to try to write songs in the vein of the Great American Songbook. I may not always succeed. but it's something I shootfor.
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I like the laid-back vibe and really enjoyed the listen. The vocalist reminds me a bit of Michael Bublé. I personally think the arrangement could be improved by adding a short [break] or instrumental [interlude] to create a little more variation. Other than that, I think it's a great song.
All the best,
Robert
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Just a love song
https://soundclick.com/song/14288396
She Is
Verse
She’s got the look of a spy
With secrets to sell
You get lost in her eyes
And the stories they tell
Verse
Your heart beats double time
At the sound of her name
And you’d kill for that smile
That puts the stars to shame
Chorus
She’s ev’ry mem’ry that you’ll ever keep
She’s why the sun rises and sets
She’s ev’rything you’ll ever need
She is as good as love ever gets
Verse
She’s like the soft melody
That ev’ry summer sings
And she’s the autumn breeze
That each October brings
Verse
She’s got the heart and the soul
Of a Harlem choir
And you spend all your nights
Lost in dreams she inspires
Chorus
She’s ev’ry mem’ry that you’ll ever keep
She’s why the sun rises and sets
She’s ev’rything you’ll ever need
She is as good as love ever gets
Bridge:
She is the Roxanne that Cyrano pined for
And she’s the Dulcinea that Quixote would die for
She’s the Esmeralda you’d live your life for
She is
Chorus
She’s ev’ry mem’ry that you’ll ever keep
She’s why the sun rises and sets
She’s ev’rything you’ll ever need
She is as good as love ever gets
She is (3x)