Starfish Songwriters
The Sandbox => MP3 songs for Review/Critique => Topic started by: Couchgrouch on August 02, 2026, 08:32:46 pm
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"Mountains swallowed up the sunset"
Love that. IMHO, brilliant line.
Lawhon
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That is true on both counts!
Well done! And thanks again for sharing.
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Thanks folks. 😀
That production is what I wanted for this song.
Often with a story song you want a continuous mood, not necessarily a big chorus. The entire song is the chorus.
But that's just my opinion...
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Very nice song, story is well done, and I like some of the way you describe things...painting with words so to speak.
I think the chorus could be rearranged to be more memorable, just as Rob B mentioned in a previous reply. Sometimes repeating melody in lines 1 and 3 adn 2 and 4 helps with that.
Also, not sure if you're sold on the production values of the song. It has a very 80s vibe to it. Not bad, just wanted to point that out.
Thanks for sharing....
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I think these lyrics have a strong classic country storytelling feel. They remind me of songs by Don Williams, Randy Travis, or even the narrative style of Johnny Cash. The train, the preacher, the veteran, and the mysterious ending all fit well within that tradition.
The verses are the strength of the song - they tell a compelling story with strong imagery and believable emotion. My biggest suggestion would be to make the chorus more memorable by settling on one hook phrase and repeating it consistently. That would give listeners something to latch onto while the verses carry the narrative.
The music fits perfectly.
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https://www.soundclick.com/couchgrouch