Starfish Songwriters
The Sandbox => MP3 songs for Review/Critique => Topic started by: redwriter1 on April 10, 2026, 12:11:11 pm
-
Yup, it's very personal, it's about my childhood.. ( of which I don't remember much of , thank God) but I've heard enough stories to know it wasn't good.............................
I"m very grateful not to remember, but that doesn't mean it hasn't affected me my whole life.
-
I could read all sorts into the lyrics. It sounds personal but I could be completely wrong. Not a bad idea to keep listeners guessing I reckon. The makings of a classic song here. I think the vocal on the chorus stretches a bit too high - that's my only crit, but it's work in progress. A male voice might work better, but that might take it away from what you're trying to say. I'm liking this so far.
-
You're welcome.. Pat would have also been a good option for anthemic :)..
-
Thanks. now you know why my dad called me his 4th daughter :)
I'm an artist, I see the emotion in the words not the intent. Glad you liked it and not liked :)
Those were done when you posted them on the other site, so I only had those lyrics :)
Do you mind if I made one of mine public? they are private right now.
Lita Ford esq :)
https://suno.com/s/YFGa6S4hTdsrjEdT
btw, you write better than I do, you write from the heart, i can't do that.
Go Right ahead!!! And thanks for the compliment
Dang that sounds like Pat Benatar! Great job.
-
Thanks. now you know why my dad called me his 4th daughter :)
I'm an artist, I see the emotion in the words not the intent. Glad you liked it and not liked :)
Those were done when you posted them on the other site, so I only had those lyrics :)
Do you mind if I made one of mine public? they are private right now.
Lita Ford esq :)
https://suno.com/s/YFGa6S4hTdsrjEdT
btw, you write better than I do, you write from the heart, i can't do that.
Go Right ahead!!! And thanks for the compliment
-
Kay-lynn, sounds like you're a Rock Writer. :)
A rock writer?? hhaha thanks
-
Kay-lynn, sounds like you're a Rock Writer. :)
-
Thanks. now you know why my dad called me his 4th daughter :)
I'm an artist, I see the emotion in the words not the intent. Glad you liked it and not liked :)
Those were done when you posted them on the other site, so I only had those lyrics :)
Do you mind if I made one of mine public? they are private right now.
Lita Ford esq :)
https://suno.com/s/YFGa6S4hTdsrjEdT
btw, you write better than I do, you write from the heart, i can't do that.
-
Ok.
One is based on tori amos
https://suno.com/s/i55nRTONLF6MlAzi
and the other is fiona apple
https://suno.com/s/msAIDZixRwxhD5OG
[/quo
Those are both beautiful, but damn..... I'm not trying to get someone to cry in their beer... lol.. That's why I was trying to make it "defiant" sounding. Like... yup......... it's a good thing I don't remember... (or a few ppl might be under the ground right now)... Don't wanna say that in a song , now do we?? LOL
I seriously am extremely grateful.
-
So sorry, I revised the lyric, I thought I had already posted it here.
I wanted to give some positive spin at the end.
I don’t know the reason I sleep with my shirt on
I don’t remember why I don’t have a nightgown
I can’t sleep in my bare skin, exposed and naked
Blankets won’t help and I can’t escape it
That feeling of being dirty for no reason
I need protection from something unseen
I don’t know what happened and I’m glad that I don’t
But everything is not as it seems
chorus
I don’t want to know, what I don’t know
What good would it do me now?
My life would not change and thoughts rearranged
Won’t be a guiding light at the end of a chain of events
I don’t wanna know and that’s my defense.
Something long ago was broken inside and hidden
I’m not ashamed why should I be
Memories get erased so I can still be free
Cus nothing that was………….. was about me
Bridge
But my kids are gonna know when love is real
My love for them will change generations
They’re gonna know, what I didn’t know
The touch of a hand that is always safe
Their lives are now changed and thoughts rearranged
Now’s there’s light at the end of that chain of events
Oh yeah they’re gonna know……………. And that’s their defense.
I don’t want to know, what I don’t know
What good would it do me now?
My life would not change and thoughts rearranged
Won’t be a guiding light at the end of a chain of events
I don’t wanna know .............................and that’s my defense.
-
Ok.
One is based on tori amos
https://suno.com/s/i55nRTONLF6MlAzi
and the other is fiona apple
https://suno.com/s/msAIDZixRwxhD5OG
-
Hey, if you have a great idea, I'm all for it.!!! That's why we call this the sandbox......... we're just building and playing and seeing what works. Would love to hear your version.
-
And then here I come :) :D ;D :D
If you don't mind, I have a vision of how I think the music can emphasize your lyrics as is.
-
Turns out that other site is closing at the end of the month, we've invited them to join our group. I sure hope we get more members so we get to hear more songs!!!
Oh and for our new people, love to hear your input on my song.. (smile). Thanks guys!
-
Sent you a e-mail.
-
I assume you've logged in?
Blue tab just above quick links. You do have to be logged in to see it.
When your looking at a post at the bottom it'll have a spot called Leave a Comment
-
So weird, I don't see a button, I don't even see a reply button to comment on other people's songs. Can you send me a screenshot? Don't know what I'm missing here... hahha
-
Blue button to your right.. New Discussion
-
Ok I got the email, I can see the discussions, but I don't see a "post" button. (?)
-
I'll tell Owen
-
Kay-lynn it will take a day or two for them to get back to you.
-
It won't send me a confirmation email so , I guess it's broken.
-
OK... I'll give it a shot.
-
put that on this site
https://www.thesongwritersforum.com/vanilla/
Do not write a description on what this songs about
See if they get it
I see this all the time they write a description
But whats in the description is not in the song
That could be the twist on the end , I was molested and here's my defense
-
Hi Kay-lynn,
here are my 5 cents: this is a serious, emotionally intelligent song. It's not about the abuse itself. It's more about the aftermath, the coping mechanism and the choice to live forward. The topic you write about can be deeply relatable and could therefore be triggering for some listeners.
The chorus is clear but could hit a bit harder. It leans more explanatory than emotional and in my opinion it lacks a sharp, unforgettable phrase. It should land like a truth, not just explain one.
As for the music, I feel it's too full for this topic. I personally would prefer a more minimal instrumentation so the listener can focus more on the lyrics, the message. The full music instrumentation distracts the listener. This is just my personal opinion. if you ask 10 people you'll probably get 10 different opinions. The song is more "the listener sits quietly and feels it" than "big audience singalong". I like it.
-
That's literally the whole point of the song sweetie. I don't know................and I don't wanna know.
What I do know is that "some things" happened cus I get flashes, but I push them away cus why would I want to know now?
-
ok your leaving it opened ended what happened to you
-
https://suno.com/s/j79jXR2626H2PhuJ
-
ok gotta cook breakfast , You'll get it
-
I'm taking all your thoughts, and seriously still working on it.
-
V2 would have to go somewhere else , not a laundry list of sleep with clothes lights on ect
Maybe talk to us , On I know there's people out there like me , relate with their problems on the same situation
All I got
-
Why, it's real happens all the time . Kid are drenched in the internet , they've seen everything
Get it out on the open . Deal with the problem , give us a solution in the song
I think thats important , can't be one thing cuz were all different , It would need to be blanket solution in the general area on healing. So the solution comes in the bridge , then here comes that last chorus bit changed up , once you figure out the first one , on a vcvcbc
I think you need a stronger hook.
He didn’t take me I survived him
The pre going in first verse could be
I was taken advantage of as a little girl
But I'm stronger and didn't wreck my world
They'll get the drift on molested now without saying it
All I got right now
One more thing , your saying the same thing in that v1 , I would use one or two and give us more examples whatever that molestation did to you, well maybe you can , but Id more the story along on more things. keep the lights on , things like that
Did you know they have vodka made out of Lake Tahoe water ? I wonder how they swung that ?
You could use child . lose the world girl cliche
-
I see what you're saying, but I think there are some things you shouldn't say outloud in a song that young ears might listen to.
-
By showing your scars I would just include you were molested as a child in your song
It would be relatable
As of now it’s really to vague to even know what this songs about
-
Pretext, you know you were sexually abused as a child, but by God's good grace, you don't remember the all details, but you remember the feeling. Then your husband wants to know why you won't sleep in the buff, or why you don't wear low cut shirts, well, this is why.
https://suno.com/s/YuRexAU80RP6wChP
-
I sleep bare, I hate clothes
But this has nothing to do with this song
If your using defense as a hook , I think You need more examples pointing to it to defend whatever your trying to put across here , my 2 cents
-
I promise you , it's not about a lover.
-
Well, I kinda think it's about a past event that you've tried to bury. Just still hanging on and you can't let go of it. That shirt may be some type of shield or just a reminder of a past lover you haven't let go of yet.
But you may have something else in mind.
Don't let what I say keep you from going on with it.
I hear a lot of songs on the radio, that I think how did that even get a cut.
-
Fair enough Tex,... as I said I think it's more a female thing.
Do you care to tell me what you think the song is actually about? Just curious.
-
Kay-lynn,
I sleep in a t-shirt, sweat pants and socks. I've never wondered why. So you want me to be honest here, it might just be that I'm a man but this didn't pull me in what so ever. Sorry but JMO.
But if you think it's worth while go for it.
-
I started this song yesterday, it's gonna be really hard to finish, but I thought I would see if anyone could relate. Not sure how many females we have around here, but it applies to men to I think.
https://suno.com/s/xXzpqXoE9DS0NxvI
Verse 1
I don’t know the reason I sleep with my shirt on
I don’t remember why I don’t have a nightgown
I can’t sleep in my bare skin, exposed and naked
Blankets won’t help and I can’t escape it
Verse 2
That feeling of being dirty for no reason
I need protection from something unseen
I don’t know what happened and I’m glad that I don’t
But everything is not as it seems
chorus
I don’t want to know, what I don’t know
What good would it do me now?
My life would not change and thoughts rearranged
Won’t be a guiding light at the end of a chain of events
I don’t wanna know and that’s my defense.