Verse two seems a little weak in my descriptions. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!


Character is what you do
when nobody' else is watchin
Courage is knockin on the door
even if your hands are shakin
Faith is believing in things that you can't see
and love is all that's really real, darlin
all you need to know you learned
in kindergarten

CHORUS

Share everything and play fair
say you're sorry  like you really care
put things back where they belong
don't take other people's things cus that's wrong
clean up your own mess & wonder at the weather
and when you go out in this world
hold hands...... and stick together

Honesty is not the same as lies that we don't tell
Sincerity is putting someone's needs above yourself
Humility is doing things that noone ever sees
like giving without recognition
and everything that means

CHORUS
Share everything and play fair
say you're sorry like you really care
put things back where they belong
don't take other people's things cus that's wrong
clean up your own mess & wonder at the weather
and when you go out in this world
hold hands...... and stick together

Bridge

I'm a firm believer, in higher education
but what if we all ran this world...............
like we were all still  seven................


CHORUS
We'd Share everything and play fair
say we're sorry like we really care
 put things back where they belong
don't take other poeple's things cus that's wrong
clean up our own mess & wonder at the weather
and when we go out in this world
we'd hold hands...... and stick together

yea just hold hands.....

and stick together

Dang Tex, I can't believe I missed that!! Good catch.

Any other thoughts of the definitions in verse 2, I don't think they land quite right.

I really like how this song starts...it sounds very profound...and I love the soft rhymes of  watchin, see, darlin (with in sung a little more een the way is done)...just sounds really nice...I think shakin is outta place there though...I think it needs something else there...I'm gonna be honest and say I thought you were gonna tell a story, a lesson learned...but when you say the kindergarten line, it strikes odd and out of left field IMO...because the things you mentioned in the first verse don't really apply to that concept. They are deeper, more profound lessons you learn as you grow. I also think overall, the whole song reads like a beauty pageant winner saying she wants to end world hunger...I think you can say a lot more with the bones you laid out...I'd consider changing the whole kindergarten concept and telling a story that shows what you're trying to say...but if you are set on kindergarten, I would still tell that story in the second verse...and bridge...just make sure the chorus ties it all together...if what you are going for is simply an advice song...then it needs to be clear who you are giving the advice to and why...it hits harder if someone can relate to either the speaker or the listener in specificity, not so much genericisms. Think Simple Man...there's a song in Spanish from Los Tigres del Norte that does this beautifully too...it's called Cuando se llega a Viejo...worth a listen and if needed, a Google translate of the lyrics lol...additionally, I think the chorus needs more of a lift, we get it in the middle with "wonder at the weather" but I think it takes too long to get there...I also think that line is odd as I don't typically associate that with children or kindergarten...think you can do better there..."cus that's wrong" sounds a little forced, maybe "and leave them there if they're not yours" or something like that, you already said things, so you can build off of it instead of restating it....Lastly, I like the music and the intro is nice but I think it can be shortened a measure...runs a little long...I thought the lyrics would start at about 10 sec but they didn't until 25-30 sec...that's valuable story telling time 🙂...looking fwd to see what this one becomes...good luck!!

Great song! Loved it.  

Thanks again for feedback.  I didn't want to use the whole poster that would plagiarism I'm assuming.

Just for other's reference, here is the back of the book.

Keep in mind, I actually wrote this lyric from memory of the poster from years ago, I was actually shocked when I looked it up that I got alot of them right at all.. LOL

I would love to address you by your regular name if you care to disclose it.

To your point, the verses are adult statements and the chorus is from child's point of view (the poster).

I know it's not right yet and I want to put my finger on it, that's why I was asking for feedback.

I was thinking it needed an intro verse of some sort to tell who is giving the advice, but I can't stand one more "Grandpa told me" thingy.

Sometimes the more educated we get (not wise), we tend to forget simple basic truths.

Some things are just universally true, like don't take other people's stuff, whether it's their baseball or their 401K.

You see the point I'm trying to make, but I'm so frustrated trying to get it right. Like Mark Twain.  Maybe I should use Mark as an intro verse? lol cus we all learned something from Huck Finn didn't we?

I hope this is ok....I sometimes do use AI as a sounding board...usually end up using my own lyrics but "talking" to it, helps me work through to THE idea....I ran through this process with yours...if you would like to read the convo here it is...but essentially, I think if you restructure this, it will hit harder...start with adults in sticky situations, a lawyer lying to win a case, politician taking a bribe, couple on the rocks....make your first verse your chorus, but end with "but all you really need to know you learned in kindergarten"...use the 2nd verse to explain how those simple rules solve adult problems...and your chorus could be your bridge...this is completely just a thought and if you think your way is better, please be true to yourself...

Funny enough as I type this, I just had the thought that it could be as simple as adding the pivot line mentioned above..."but all you need to know" to end the first verse...then you can keep your structure....I do think some lines could be better like the weather...also just came to the realization that kids are usually 5 in kindergarten, so to keep the theme, you may want to rework your bridge anyways....I added all that to the Gemini convo....

Oh no, Def wasn't my intent to make you write a whole new song....that's why I put my responses in to see if I was being harsh or going down the wrong path....I think you have two choices...stay the course, don't change much, really just add "but" as discussed and it makes a lot more sense to me with the contrast....orrrr pivot to the restructure I discussed...I don't think either route is a whole new song really....lastly...I forgot to say, yes I don't typically love what  AI puts out lyrically...by no means am I suggesting to use the lyrics it came up with in the discussion....just hoping it springs forth ideas...ok, I'll leave you be on this one....good luck!!!