Starfish Songwriters
The Sandbox => MP3 songs for Review/Critique => Topic started by: guest44 on May 06, 2026, 09:49:09 am
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I can't comment about the song structure because I don't think that way when I write or listen to songs. But this comes over really well. You're not afraid to explore different styles. Great vocal harmonies. I'd say it's commercial too, though I'm not really qualified to say that. Yeah, another great track.
Thanks Chris,
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I can't comment about the song structure because I don't think that way when I write or listen to songs. But this comes over really well. You're not afraid to explore different styles. Great vocal harmonies. I'd say it's commercial too, though I'm not really qualified to say that. Yeah, another great track.
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Point taken :)
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I know, I'm just messing with Elvis. cuz, you know it's fun.
Thanks for the comment, Tex :)
Again, his musical world is blue jeans, worn boots, black Stetson hat, sitting in bars talking about manly men things, and my musical world is worn sandals, possibly a flowing robe, black beret sitting in group circles sharing poems :)
If we were to go camping, be a whole different experience, to him a branch is something you burn, to me each branch has a story and i'd much rather freeze my ass off, than burn one of god's creation :D :D :D :D :D :D
Ha Ha Ha , thats your song , Bills always a lot laughs
Thats hilarious
my musical world is worn sandals, possibly a flowing robe, black beret sitting in group circles sharing poems.
Did you burn incense when you read Martys book ?
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Ok gentleman, let's keep the posts about the song critique itself. Philosophical discussions about life is something you can do with PM. I just don't want to have new members scrolling through songs and getting dragged into "other" discussions that aren't about the song.
Thanks guys!! Carry on!
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I shudder to think of a world full of me's.. :D
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We got to have all different types in this world. 8)
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I know, I'm just messing with Elvis. cuz, you know it's fun.
Thanks for the comment, Tex :)
Again, his musical world is blue jeans, worn boots, black Stetson hat, sitting in bars talking about manly men things, and my musical world is worn sandals, possibly a flowing robe, black beret sitting in group circles sharing poems :)
If we were to go camping, be a whole different experience, to him a branch is something you burn, to me each branch has a story and i'd much rather freeze my ass off, than burn one of god's creation :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Well Bill, I enjoyed listening to it... keep on posting more, who cares what everyone else asks.
it don't matter Suno songs or humans , its just all laughs . So have fun
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Well Bill, I enjoyed listening to it... keep on posting more, who cares what everyone else asks.
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As least you can, :D
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Not mine , I record them and sing them and laugh my ass off. I'm grateful they said you suck , Now I do them myself. If life gets any funnier, I'll need oxygen . You people actually think this life means something ? Man Your a cartoon and don't even know it .
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I'm not intending to pitch anything Elvis, that's your world. That's old school. In the EDM world, which is where I'm heading, you don't pitch. Yes, YouTube is an option, but not the only option.
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I'd say to market your songs is create Youtube channel with shorts .Pitch game is brutal and you need deep pockets. You'd need 4 jobs a shrink and a life time supply of Jack Daniels . You're going to die from laughing so hard it hurts . Cuz somebody 30 years ago ,told you ,you're going to be on radio. Whats really going to happen is, you'll have 3000 songs and 3 ex wives .
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Yes, again, going by Nashville standard, Marty also said it's ok to be abstract as long as it makes sense. which is true to a point.
Would I even attempt to try to publish this in Nashville? No, it's not a Nashville type song. But there is a market for it.
I seriously need to change my writing style, I was going to post more songs, but I think i'll hold back for a bit, constantly having this discussion, has gotten old :)
This is the song by Steve Wilson whose a grammy award winning songwriter / producer, that i based my song on -
[Verse 1]
Hey brother
Happy returns
It's been a while now
I bet you thought that I was dead
But I'm still here
Nothing's changed, nothing's changed
[Verse 2]
Hey brother
I'd love to tell you I've been busy
But that would be a lie
'Cause the truth is
The years just pass like trains
I wave but they don't slow down
Don't slow down
[Verse 3]
Hey brother
I see the freaks and dispossessed on day release
Avoiding the police
I feel I'm falling once again
But now there's no one left to catch me
[Verse 4]
Hey brother
I feel like I'm living in parentheses
And I've got trouble with the bills
Do the kids remember me?
Well, I've got gifts for them
And for you much sorrow
But I'm feeling kind of drowsy now
So I'll finish this tomorrow
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Thats true . Yours I've lived life , now I've died. He also said there aint no rules , case in point your song.
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By nashville standards, yes, but again, this more for the experimental genres.
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Well kinda Luke uses hook on bottom of each verse . This is really a poem. Martys big on just making sense in songs and be universal.
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Marty Dodson
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Who's Marty?
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HAHAHAHA. Too funny, that wasn't intentional I just started writing until I was done. :)
Maybe I need to go back and re-read Marty's book, as it seems glossing over it, I missed that :D
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Words Me; Music Suno
https://suno.com/s/qXSVDtJNbV27zGPb
[Verse 1]
There was a time when bells chimed
Finding myself of new mind
This reality is perceived to be
Found in trumpeting sounds
[Verse 2]
My heart beats to stomping feet
Marching in place as my face
Melts away to other days
Never losing sight of right
[Verse 3]
I've lost my ears and cannot hear
What's being said, am I dead
Or alive, this meaning I strive
To understand the shifting sands
[Verse 4]
I am so old, my body's gone cold
Running back from the black
To the wight only seems right
On solid ground I'm crowned
[Outro]
With this wood box I could
Be at peace and finally cease
Living and gradually giving
Ashes and dust to ashes and dust
Actually that is a structure , Its a A/A/A/A , To The Moon and back by Luke Bryan used that
Sounds good Bill
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That's why I like it, because you are free to explore more with the words, than being stuck behind the traditional format. :D
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Ok, point taken. Thanks for the info!
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Thanks for the comment. Not all songs have a chorus or a bridge for that matter. especially in the prog /experimental genres.
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Are you sure this is a lyric and not a poem? I'm just asking because songs usually have a chorus (?)
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Words Me; Music Suno
https://suno.com/s/qXSVDtJNbV27zGPb
[Verse 1]
There was a time when bells chimed
Finding myself of new mind
This reality is perceived to be
Found in trumpeting sounds
[Verse 2]
My heart beats to stomping feet
Marching in place as my face
Melts away to other days
Never losing sight of right
[Verse 3]
I've lost my ears and cannot hear
What's being said, am I dead
Or alive, this meaning I strive
To understand the shifting sands
[Verse 4]
I am so old, my body's gone cold
Running back from the black
To the wight only seems right
On solid ground I'm crowned
[Outro]
With this wood box I could
Be at peace and finally cease
Living and gradually giving
Ashes and dust to ashes and dust