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Quote from: Spymonsayz on 04 Aug, 2026 09:46Very Smooth....I think the cadence of the melody can be a little repetitive, but that is only my opinion. Perhaps even consider 3 lines in verses instead of everything being four?  Rhyming pattern may be AAB - AAB.  This will sometimes introduce space.  Also (and this is often my preference) I like choruses to lift a song up.  The first two lines of your chorus almost feels like a prechorus...I might consider using that chord structure as a prechorus, then go into a full blown chorus where your voce sings on a higher level than the rest of the song, therefor lifting it up?  This is only my opinion and preference though.Example I might consider is...prechorus:She’s ev’ry mem’ry that you’ll ever keepShe’s why the sun rises and setsChorus ( now maybe singing in a slightly higher range...rooted in E?)She is...She’s ev’rything you’ll ever needShe is...(line rhymes with need)She is...(Line rhymes with need or gets?)She is...as good as love ever getsThis can cement the chorus so every time you hear it, you know you are there...Thanks for sharing! I find that to be a good critique. I concur.

Kewl vibe for driving down the highway for sure!!! Enjoyed that very much.!

Wow, I didn't even look!! How kewl is that buddy???I would twirk if I knew how.. hahhaha

Quote from: LAWHON on 04 Aug, 2026 14:23Rob Thomas for sure. Definitely recalls "Smooth." Love that song.Lyrics are fine, nothing groundbreaking, but they get the point across.For me. the tonal modality of the song is something that I never get tired of enjoying. "Latin Rock."IMHO, the music and the lyrics are a real good coupling and provide an enjoyable listen.Penetrating song art too.I'm glad that you posted it. Site enhancer. Consider me a new fan.  LawhonThank you!

"Mountains swallowed up the sunset"Love that. IMHO, brilliant line.Lawhon

Rob Thomas for sure. Definitely recalls "Smooth." Love that song.Lyrics are fine, nothing groundbreaking, but they get the point across.For me. the tonal modality of the song is something that I never get tired of enjoying. "Latin Rock."IMHO, the music and the lyrics are a real good coupling and provide an enjoyable listen.Penetrating song art too.I'm glad that you posted it. Site enhancer. Consider me a new fan.  Lawhon

That is true on both counts!  Well done! And thanks again for sharing.

Thanks folks. 😀That production is what I wanted for this song.Often with a story song you want a continuous mood, not necessarily a big chorus. The entire song is the chorus. But that's just my opinion...

Hi all:I thought I'd put my song Vexxed up for review....And yea, if you're wondering, I copped a Rob Thomas Santa vibe here...in part because if I was planning to perform again, I have the vocal range of Rob.  I am a multi-instrumentalist and have played for almost 60 years so I can play all the instruments here...but I did use Suno to produce it.https://www.broadjam.com/songs/JonSimon/vexxedLyrics:Vexxed[Verse 1]There's something in your eyesAnd the way you looked at meYou got me paralyzedWith anxietyEverything around youFades into obscurityThere's nothing I could doYou're entrancing me[Prechorus]I feel my heartbeat faster and time's standing still I can't move my feetI can't take my eyes off of you give the rest of my life for one night spent with you[Chorus]From the moment that we met I knew I was throughOne look at you there was nothing I could doI can't breathe I can't sleep when I think of youUnder your spell overwhelming me I'm vexxed by you[Verse 2]Enveloping my soulFeel you taking over meI'm losing all controlAm I in too deep?You touched me and I'm doneFeel my free will slip awayThere's nowhere I can runWouldn't anyway[Prechorus]I feel my heartbeat faster and time's standing still need to feel your heatI can't take my eyes off of you give the rest of my life for one night spent with you[Chorus]From the moment that we met I knew I was throughOne look at you there was nothing I could doI can't breathe I can't sleep all I dream is youUnder your spell overwhelming me I'm vexxedFrom the moment that we met I knew I was throughOne look at you there was nothing I could doI would lie I would cheat I would steal for youUnder your spell overwhelming me I'm vexxed by you[Prechorus]I feel my heartbeat faster and time's standing still I can't move my feetI can't take my eyes off of you give the rest of my life for one night spent with you[Chorus]From the moment that we met I knew I was throughOne look at you there was nothing I could doI would lie I would cheat I would steal for youUnder your spell overwhelming me I'm vexxedFrom the moment that we met I knew I was throughOne look at you there was nothing I could doI can't breathe I can't sleep all I dream is youUnder your spell overwhelming me I'm vexxed by you

Very nice song, story is well done, and I like some of the way you describe things...painting with words so to speak.I think the chorus could be rearranged to be more memorable, just as Rob B mentioned in a previous reply. Sometimes repeating melody in lines 1 and 3 adn 2 and 4 helps with that.Also, not sure if you're sold on the production values of the song.  It has a very 80s vibe to it.  Not bad, just wanted to point that out.Thanks for sharing....