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#15 Reply
Posted by
redwriter1
on 29 Mar, 2026 21:54
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I'm still thinking a good intro verse to set up the song would be something that Andy says to Opie. We all know who those people are right>
Something like.
Intro verse: And then Opie said to Andy, how will I know I'm doing the right thing. it's about how you treat people who can't do anything for you.
But I'm trying to find a context where he asks him that.
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#16 Reply
Posted by
redwriter1
on 30 Mar, 2026 14:47
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I added an intro verse.
WE all remember when Opie asked his Pa, what did I do wrong
If nobody knows what I did, why can’t I just move on
Andy said son, what you do always means something
Even if nobody sees you, you’ll feel it with the knowing
Let me know if it works to get to Verse 1.
I didn't want it to be that slow, but I'll go try to fix that.
Listen and make your own on Suno.
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#17 Reply
Posted by
Tex
on 30 Mar, 2026 21:30
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Kay-lynn, this works just fine.
I still think you need to end your 2nd verse with something like your 1st verse, you know Kindergarten juts before going into the chorus again. JMO.
Good Luck
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#18 Reply
Posted by
redwriter1
on 31 Mar, 2026 10:21
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Note taken, I'll go look again. Thank you for pointing that out again. It's appreciated.
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#19 Reply
Posted by
billdraper
on 31 Mar, 2026 16:19
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I like the subject of this lyric and the deep analysis.some great discussion.
Train the children. They don’t nearly understand. But good solid civilized habits learned early will kick in, with rewards later in life.
How did I fall so far said the man being lead off to prison. It’s not a rocket science lesson in living. Most folks now the lessons as well.
Hey you messed up. Remember how easy it was when you were a kid?
Kids don’t have adult problems though. They still steal candy at the corner store…old Mr jones, the blind codger, he’ll never miss a few candies, Joey says, 15 year’s later he is lead off to jail for embessiling funds from wealthy clients saying…..they will never miss the bucks.
Good message lyric, important.
Bill
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#20 Reply
Posted by
serenowolf
on 31 Mar, 2026 16:33
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I think the intro verse is unnecessary and delays the chorus too much, it really doesn't do anything for the song IMO...I stand by what I suggested before...it doesn't sound like you want to restructure, so I think just inserting "but" before "all you need to know" is the easiest solution...that highlights that the chorus is different and more simple than the philosophical truths in the verse...I think it would then be a good idea to show how this is true in verse 2...I think that would create a clear and cohesive "why" to the song...of course, the choice is yours and i don't want to keep picking your song apart and discourage you...so I'll prob step back on this one and let you marinate and create with it. Looking forward to seeing what you end up with...
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#21 Reply
Posted by
redwriter1
on 31 Mar, 2026 16:36
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Bill, do you agree with adding the word "but" as was suggested? I'm curious.
I think the intro verse is just being drawn out too long, I'm trying to fix that.
And Bill
You absolutely got where I was going with this. That's such a relief. Your life gets more complicated as you get older and the problems are bigger, however, the core concepts that you learn early will serve you well forever.
There is no gray area if you just remember the basics. Don't take other people's stuff and you won't go to jail.. duh.. (grin)
Tex, I can't thank you enough for pointing on the hook that I didn't repeat, stupid mistake and obvious.
I'm very happy with the melody, but since I added the intro, gonna have to pick up my guitar again and sing it so Suno stops messing it up.. hahah
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#22 Reply
Posted by
billdraper
on 31 Mar, 2026 18:56
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But…you wouldn’t be in, any of this trouble
if you had just learned in kindergarten to:
Chorus
It adds somewhat additional push to the higher intellectual adult level of the verses from the child trainer rules in chorus…is it enough to bridge the leap/gap.?
Imagine this
Two people conversing. Both went to the same school as kids. One is behind bars, the other a well paid prison social worker, who talks with prisoners.
Prisoner says how did you do it, how come you know so much? Just kindergarten lessons man,that’s all. the social worker says.
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#23 Reply
Posted by
billdraper
on 01 Apr, 2026 10:52
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In summary:
I like the intro, verses,and chorus as is.
reading again this am, I don’t think the “but “ is needed.
And(something new), maybe rethink the bridge, as some 7 year olds may be headed for prison?
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#24 Reply
Posted by
redwriter1
on 01 Apr, 2026 12:19
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MmM,, I don't know I think you may have convinced me to put "but" in there.. haha now I'm confused. lol
I think the bridge is short and sweet the way it was intended and I really don't wanna put "prison" in a song like this.
That would be a totally different song. lol
You're so sweet for looking at it again though, thanks!
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#25 Reply
Posted by
Elvis Nash
on 06 Apr, 2026 12:08
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its a fresh angle and hook
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#26 Reply
Posted by
Rob B.
on 17 Apr, 2026 15:22
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Kay-lynn,
Overall, I like this song - there’s a lot of good stuff in here. I especially like the kindergarten theme; it’s a strong and appealing idea.
A few thoughts came to mind as I listened. The intro feels a bit long to me - between the instrumental and the opening lines, it takes a while before the song really gets going. I found myself wondering if those relatively long opening lines are all necessary, or if the song might benefit from getting to the first verse a bit sooner.
Related to that, the first verse comes in around 1:15 and the first chorus around 1:45, which might be a little late. Bringing those in earlier could help the song engage the listener more quickly.
I also noticed that the verses have slightly different lengths, with verse 1 being longer. You might want to look at whether you want that contrast or a more balanced structure.
The chorus is strong, but I’d personally love to hear a bit more of the kindergarten theme woven throughout the song to really tie everything together. And maybe consider adding a rhyme in the bridge to give it a bit more cohesion.
Just a few thoughts - take whatever resonates. Hope this helps!
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#27 Reply
Posted by
Tex
on 17 Apr, 2026 15:32
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Hay Rob, the version she has up now isn't the newest one and she has solved the two verses being the same size.
Maybe Kay-lynn will post her updated version.
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#28 Reply
Posted by
redwriter1
on 17 Apr, 2026 15:48
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Here ya go.
I took out the intro verse based on various feedback. I also changed verse 2.
Listen and make your own on Suno.
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#29 Reply
Posted by
Rob B.
on 17 Apr, 2026 23:00
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Much better. What's the title of the song? In my opinion the bridge still doesn't work.
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